Hehehe, I know I shouldn't be blogging right now and I should be trying to complete my work but I feel like I need a little breather and I just wish I had an escape just for a moment so I told myself, hey! Why not I blog about something I like? So I thought for awhile, didn't feel like blogging about food and I think although it would make me v happy to talk about sad things bcuz it's rlly fun to post, I doubt it'll be too healthy for my blog soooooo I'm going to post about my recent motivation! HOLIDAYS!!
YAY HOLIDAYS!!!
I have to admit lately I wasn't sure if it'll rlly be that awesome cuz I don't have much time till my flight and I also will miss my dear classmates who have been super great support this month and it was quite a great deal of mixed emotions cuzzzzz like so awkward I have like 7 dec -14 dec without anything on and then BAMMM NZ AND SYDNEY (read it, it rhymes!) yeah so I'm wondering what to do about the holidays and omg I realised that now that I have time to myself, I actually have damn a lot I wanna do! I wanna go gym (lol for once), go to the beach, write more stories, do some covers, hang out with more people I really didn't manage to meet with, dye my hair and omg I will just keep adding to the list I hope I complete like half of them!! Also wanna spend more time with my beloved Shaina because she's not coming to NZ w amanda and I and I wanna spend as much time with her as possible before she flies! I guess I am still having mixed feelings about my dec holidays because it's my first holiday I'm so free but omg yay hay wayyyy I am so excited about the holidays and I have so much to say I think I will blog next about how sad I am not spending Christmas in Singapore (AGAIN))): ) but that will have to be left for after all these pile of shit work is cleared hahaha
-nielle
Wednesday 27 November 2013
Sunday 24 November 2013
Things I used to write
When I was younger, (and by that i mean before my 16th birthday) I used to spend my long bus rides home writing silly stuff that pop into my head. I am now damn embarrassed cuz my stories are so lame and cheesy but cmon… everyone had a past filled with REGRETS right?!!! ahhhhh, most of my quite 'shockingly fun to read yet gross and cheesy' stories came mostly when i was sec 2 … at least 2-3 years old. I was probably 14 or 15 with too many girly and cheesy stories to read. I just felt like blogging about it cuz I just read some of my stories. Hahaha one about a girl named Savannah who moved to the cove from new york and fell in love with her hot neighbour, Jake who shows her around and stuff. Cliche right omggg.
Back then school was damn boring and imagination was everything I remember daydreaming and having so many stories to write down because it helped me escape and it helped me experience things exactly how I thought I would experience them in future! Like prince charming and my own horse farm hahaha! Ah, its so true the older you grow, the less you imagine, the more you accept things of reality. Fairytales and make-believes really seem so stupid after awhile.
I seriously miss being a kid! I remember the endless imaginations I had because I had little experiences with reality crushing them. Now I don't have much time/imagination/energy to write anymore I feel like if I really wrote some less senseless things maybe I could even have published a book with my imagination!! Now I write boring stuff like this blog ahahahhaha and about food but I guess food isn't boring yay. So maybe if I somehow find more of the passion to write again I might try become a journalist! YAY!!
-nielle
Still not sure why I blogged this
"When we are children we seldom think of the future. This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can. The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind.”
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind
Back then school was damn boring and imagination was everything I remember daydreaming and having so many stories to write down because it helped me escape and it helped me experience things exactly how I thought I would experience them in future! Like prince charming and my own horse farm hahaha! Ah, its so true the older you grow, the less you imagine, the more you accept things of reality. Fairytales and make-believes really seem so stupid after awhile.
I seriously miss being a kid! I remember the endless imaginations I had because I had little experiences with reality crushing them. Now I don't have much time/imagination/energy to write anymore I feel like if I really wrote some less senseless things maybe I could even have published a book with my imagination!! Now I write boring stuff like this blog ahahahhaha and about food but I guess food isn't boring yay. So maybe if I somehow find more of the passion to write again I might try become a journalist! YAY!!
-nielle
Still not sure why I blogged this
"When we are children we seldom think of the future. This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can. The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind.”
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind
Wednesday 20 November 2013
What hurts the heart.
Hey guys. I don't know how to say this but I'm really sorry for all the sad emo posts. But I hope you won't unfollow me and shit (unless it's rlly bothering you cuz i totally understand). I've been going through a hard time in my life and the first I've ever experienced and I know I don't handle it all that well but somehow being a mass comm student, I find some comfort and joy sharing my thoughts online. I do know it's quite irritating tho hahahaha and it's a habit I'm trying to kick off. Today won't be the last emo post but I hope I'll make it interesting with my small outlooks in life worth reading.
Today I'd like to talk about what kind of person I am, and how I feel it has affected me during this period of time. Let's go back in time to me when I was different. In the past, I never had trouble letting go. Sure, being emotional and all, I still cried when things didn't go my way and I still got hurt. I sometimes find myself tracing back to my past and realising that there were many instances in my life when I got bullied as a kid that made me become stronger and helped me to move on easier. Needless to say, guess God didn't plan for me to stay this way. Much later in my life I begin to realise it wasn't right for me to give up on people this easy. Sure, I might take huge risks of getting hurt but if I keep pushing people away, I hurt them and I risk never knowing how much more I can be loved. I guess I gave God my heart and from then on I started growing up and the strong fronts started crashing down. Made myself vulnerable to people's hurts but the joy of being with people who care about me and want nothing but the best of me really made every hurt worthwhile.
Commercial ends. And that's what you missed on nielle's. hahaha. back to what I've been struggling with.
Incase most of you guys don't know, I recently got through a fall out and I can't state what kind. But you know those irritating people who just won't believe everything is over no matter how hopeless it seems and making the fall out even worse? I feel like that person I guess. Ever since recently, I feel like I have stupidly programmed myself to think that nothing cannot be saved. Even when everything seems dead, I'm that useless soul searching searching searching for some life in a depressingly destroyed hopeless ground. (I am Wall-E lol. i love Wall-E…) I am that one soul that feels like somehow I have to keep trying till I find something or die trying. It's how I've always felt when I lose something or someone important I feel I shouldn't have lost. Why do I always do this, I don't know.
Okay okay, maybe I'm exaggerating on how much I hold on to things. But in some things I'm just so sure I can still find something I just...
Is it because I see some form of hope? Or maybe I'm just living in self-denial? Sometimes this is what hurts my heart. Watching myself just cuz cannot bear to accept something I don't believe in. When people I love hurt me, I take it because they've saw things about me that they didn't like. If I honestly loved the person, I guess my first instinct is to see where I can change. See this? Isn't this a sign of either seeing hope no one can see or self denial?
Sometimes I wish I could be who I was before. Back then, I gave up quickly to avoid hurt. I guess it's just silly little moments when you wish that if everyone kept giving up on you, maybe you could be the person to shield yourself from all hurt and pains.
Last night I made a decision that even though I still look into people and struggle in my heart to not defend their mistakes with sorry examples, I have decided that I will continue to love people because of who they are even if they have hurt me. I will stop fighting myself saying "People are bad and you can't trust anyone." and telling myself "You have to see all the negative things you've done so you would give up on them." I just told myself that I would embrace the fact that I never want to be someone whose given up on somebody else. I can be hurt, cheated on and even broken by. But I believe in my heart everyone has a heart themselves too. I will respect their decisions and continue to pray for them. I would still open the door if they ever needed my help but I will not see them as people who have hurt me anymore.
"One day, I really hope God will help me find someone who could fight this battle with me. Because it gets tiring waiting for people who would probably never come back. Would be nice to have someone who could stop giving up on me and fight next to me to remind me that I don't have to be afraid that I'll be given up on. For now, I go to God for comfort and shelter. He's helping me grow and I know He has a plan for me…"
I remind myself of the decision I made yesterday. I will struggle in future but I will make reminders again of being someone who loves selflessly. I want to stay true to myself.
Today I'd like to talk about what kind of person I am, and how I feel it has affected me during this period of time. Let's go back in time to me when I was different. In the past, I never had trouble letting go. Sure, being emotional and all, I still cried when things didn't go my way and I still got hurt. I sometimes find myself tracing back to my past and realising that there were many instances in my life when I got bullied as a kid that made me become stronger and helped me to move on easier. Needless to say, guess God didn't plan for me to stay this way. Much later in my life I begin to realise it wasn't right for me to give up on people this easy. Sure, I might take huge risks of getting hurt but if I keep pushing people away, I hurt them and I risk never knowing how much more I can be loved. I guess I gave God my heart and from then on I started growing up and the strong fronts started crashing down. Made myself vulnerable to people's hurts but the joy of being with people who care about me and want nothing but the best of me really made every hurt worthwhile.
Commercial ends. And that's what you missed on nielle's. hahaha. back to what I've been struggling with.
Incase most of you guys don't know, I recently got through a fall out and I can't state what kind. But you know those irritating people who just won't believe everything is over no matter how hopeless it seems and making the fall out even worse? I feel like that person I guess. Ever since recently, I feel like I have stupidly programmed myself to think that nothing cannot be saved. Even when everything seems dead, I'm that useless soul searching searching searching for some life in a depressingly destroyed hopeless ground. (I am Wall-E lol. i love Wall-E…) I am that one soul that feels like somehow I have to keep trying till I find something or die trying. It's how I've always felt when I lose something or someone important I feel I shouldn't have lost. Why do I always do this, I don't know.
Okay okay, maybe I'm exaggerating on how much I hold on to things. But in some things I'm just so sure I can still find something I just...
Is it because I see some form of hope? Or maybe I'm just living in self-denial? Sometimes this is what hurts my heart. Watching myself just cuz cannot bear to accept something I don't believe in. When people I love hurt me, I take it because they've saw things about me that they didn't like. If I honestly loved the person, I guess my first instinct is to see where I can change. See this? Isn't this a sign of either seeing hope no one can see or self denial?
Sometimes I wish I could be who I was before. Back then, I gave up quickly to avoid hurt. I guess it's just silly little moments when you wish that if everyone kept giving up on you, maybe you could be the person to shield yourself from all hurt and pains.
Last night I made a decision that even though I still look into people and struggle in my heart to not defend their mistakes with sorry examples, I have decided that I will continue to love people because of who they are even if they have hurt me. I will stop fighting myself saying "People are bad and you can't trust anyone." and telling myself "You have to see all the negative things you've done so you would give up on them." I just told myself that I would embrace the fact that I never want to be someone whose given up on somebody else. I can be hurt, cheated on and even broken by. But I believe in my heart everyone has a heart themselves too. I will respect their decisions and continue to pray for them. I would still open the door if they ever needed my help but I will not see them as people who have hurt me anymore.
"One day, I really hope God will help me find someone who could fight this battle with me. Because it gets tiring waiting for people who would probably never come back. Would be nice to have someone who could stop giving up on me and fight next to me to remind me that I don't have to be afraid that I'll be given up on. For now, I go to God for comfort and shelter. He's helping me grow and I know He has a plan for me…"
I remind myself of the decision I made yesterday. I will struggle in future but I will make reminders again of being someone who loves selflessly. I want to stay true to myself.
Thursday 14 November 2013
Not so different
Today I got up at 1130am because whay-hay-ho no schooooool! YAY!! Felt so good because the past few days I felt like I haven't gotten enough sleep for like the longessttt of times. So last night was actually great. I dreamt I was a ladybug lol and there was some flying flowers hahahaha. I got up, didn't shower (because I can!!!) rushed to my computer and suddenly had the urge to watch himym although I thought I was slowly stopping with that series :D Totally worth it. I wrote half a song and I daydreamed for like an hour (still not showered :P) then I had home-cooked lunch yum and then I watched funny youtube videos! I plan to go for a movie with my classmates and then go for dance later! But I'm not so sure about movie yet :/ Sorry Lokiiiii.
Anyway today's post is because I've just heard some news. Sorry if you've been reading my blog and too many unhappy stuff has been up. (If you're a super optimistic person and you hate reading sad stuff, please come back in a few days time okay! I am so sorry!!) And it wasn't just today but yesterday. Some stuff has been happening to people I really care about that is similar to what I'm going through. But I guess it got me thinking about people being different from each other.
In actual fact, we aren't all so damn different.
I think I needed to write this to get into mahhhh system. All these while I've always felt like "I thought I was different" "I thought we were different" "I thought she was different" "I thought he was different" then sinking into the fact that hoooooo- wait. I am like everyone else. The shit, I couldn't be more different. -.- If by anything, this has caused me to humble myself and realise that I might THINK I'm the only one suffering but I'm a damn sore loser tryna find loop holes like "hey yeah our problems might be similar but we're still different okay! I'm still different!! I struggle with scarier things!!"
Yeah I realise I'm pretty selfish and that^ sounded like a douche but I guess I'm not afraid to put myself down anymore. Like if my life is this shit, I might as well be darn honest that I'm not exactly the best human being. Now instead of wondering how am I gona get out of this hell-hole, just really wish my friends wouldn't have to struggle like I did to realise this.
"After you realise people around you suffer too,
you stop taking pity on yourself."
HEHE HAPPY PICTURES! me with long hair ): i miss it more than anything hehe so glad its growing again but I feel like I should've never have cut it! Spoiler: some pictures I took when I was really young...
HEHE HAPPY PICTURES! me with long hair ): i miss it more than anything hehe so glad its growing again but I feel like I should've never have cut it! Spoiler: some pictures I took when I was really young...
Wednesday 13 November 2013
Slow down time
I wish I had the power to slow down time.
Really.
Not like one of those weird superheroes that freeze time to fight villains and kill weird people. Or those kinds of people that could slow down time to complete a mission. Definitely not those kinds of people who eventually use it as cheats to life (although that ought to be incredibly helpful because here in sp… sometimes a little bit more time for last minute work tweaks could be incredibly helpful!!)
But what I really wanna do is have some sort of power to slow down time on some moments when yhknow… Real time just isn't enough to cover everything.
If I had powers like that, I'll use it only for special segments in my life. I promise! It'll be so… incredible. I wish I knew how to explain it. Like how a movie slows down on a huge touchdown or when the main character shares the very last few moments with a friend that is on the brink of death…
I guess movies find the right time to slow it all down simply because it has a greater effect on the person watching it. Those moments are the biggest things I remember when I recall a movie. Those moments, those highlights… I'd say were meant to be remembered.
On a weird note, I think it's the feeling of being stoned. Or drunk? I don't know. No experience of 'that' sort. But when you're caught in between the surface of reality and dream, I'd like to imagine it's everything passes you by but in slow-mo and reality still slips through your fingers but this time slower before you lose it all.
But of course being stoned isn't exactly it. You still lose those times and well… everything still passes you by.
I guess I already have in mind some things I'd use it on. I probably won't post most here but maybe just things I already have on reserve… just incase they had or are going to happen. But all these are roughly thoughts I have in mind at the moment (past, present and future). It's not everything for happiness… just special moments in my life I'd like to remember I had longer. Some of which I don't even know would happen or not.
Someone I've regret I've lost.
Death of someone close to me.
Somewhere I've lost hope in.
One of my birthdays.
First time I've ever loved.
It's funny how after writing this I realised I covered Who what where when why so I guess I rearranged them according to how those 5 were for me.
-nielle
"Time catches up to all of us,
try to live every extraordinary day
like it's the last day of your life."
this is a silly post I have nothing more to say ahahahhaa.
Really.
Not like one of those weird superheroes that freeze time to fight villains and kill weird people. Or those kinds of people that could slow down time to complete a mission. Definitely not those kinds of people who eventually use it as cheats to life (although that ought to be incredibly helpful because here in sp… sometimes a little bit more time for last minute work tweaks could be incredibly helpful!!)
But what I really wanna do is have some sort of power to slow down time on some moments when yhknow… Real time just isn't enough to cover everything.
If I had powers like that, I'll use it only for special segments in my life. I promise! It'll be so… incredible. I wish I knew how to explain it. Like how a movie slows down on a huge touchdown or when the main character shares the very last few moments with a friend that is on the brink of death…
I guess movies find the right time to slow it all down simply because it has a greater effect on the person watching it. Those moments are the biggest things I remember when I recall a movie. Those moments, those highlights… I'd say were meant to be remembered.
On a weird note, I think it's the feeling of being stoned. Or drunk? I don't know. No experience of 'that' sort. But when you're caught in between the surface of reality and dream, I'd like to imagine it's everything passes you by but in slow-mo and reality still slips through your fingers but this time slower before you lose it all.
But of course being stoned isn't exactly it. You still lose those times and well… everything still passes you by.
I guess I already have in mind some things I'd use it on. I probably won't post most here but maybe just things I already have on reserve… just incase they had or are going to happen. But all these are roughly thoughts I have in mind at the moment (past, present and future). It's not everything for happiness… just special moments in my life I'd like to remember I had longer. Some of which I don't even know would happen or not.
Someone I've regret I've lost.
Death of someone close to me.
Somewhere I've lost hope in.
One of my birthdays.
First time I've ever loved.
It's funny how after writing this I realised I covered Who what where when why so I guess I rearranged them according to how those 5 were for me.
-nielle
"Time catches up to all of us,
try to live every extraordinary day
like it's the last day of your life."
this is a silly post I have nothing more to say ahahahhaa.
Tuesday 12 November 2013
Blogging shit
Hello! I know this is damn retarded but yay I have decided that I will start to (or at least attempt to) start keeping a public blog about shit that goes in my life!! YAY. I really hope its interesting for you lol cuz if it isn't, don't worry I'm also doing it cuz my life sucks. ALSO BECAUSE CONFORM and cuz it looks like fun. I don't know how long I can keep this up but I sure hope for like as long as possible? So yup, hope you don't get too bored!
-nielle
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)